A week ago, I turned 21.
And like any other newly-turned-21-year-old I wanted to celebrate by doing something fun and batsh*t crazy. You guessed it! I decided to write my first blog and start an online sticker shop. Crazy, I know. <insert GenZ sarcasm here>
After 21 years of living, growing up in Malaysia, moving across the world, going through my first break-up, speaking at conferences, leading student organizations, graduating from college, producing my own podcast and being employee №1 at a startup, I decided to write about lessons I’ve learnt and continue to learn. I thought it would be a great way to reflect on what I know and in the future laugh at how naïve I used to be. (I’m only half-joking.)
At my job where I work at a non-profit startup, I’m used to learning on-the-fly and wearing my pupil cap in every situation. So writing this has given me a small sense of self-validation, knowing that I do have some bits and pieces of wisdom to share. Some of these are lessons I wish I had learnt the easy way so I hope that this blog could help someone somehow but also, take every lesson with a tiny grain of salt — I’m still learning as I go.
So here goes…
1. Accept imperfection and just do it.
I used to wait until things were absolutely ~PERFECT~ before I clicked that submit button. But I only recently realized that I spent way too much time working on perfection rather than being open to learning. I found that the most rewarding feeling was to quickly be able to learn from my mistakes — and it’s added bonus to see what I’ve already been able to do and where I can go from there.
2. Just ask.
I was and still am someone who is scared to ask. Someone once told me to not convince myself that it’s a “no” before even asking for it to be a “yes.” By not asking, you are missing out on what could’ve been.
3. Productivity doesn’t equal happiness.
As someone who loves to keep busy, I often tell people “I love being busy,” or“I need to do something to feel productive,” or I sometimes forget to eat. It’s evident that this is a lesson I’m still learning as I’m writing this article at 11PM the day before I want to publish it. But a newsletter that I’ve found helpful is Patricia Mou’s Wellness Wisdom. I can only hope to be as cool as her but for now, I’m taking in all her advice and feasting on her golden nuggets on all things mental health & wellness.
4. Follow your own advice.
This sounds like a no-brainer but you’d be surprised how often I give better advice to friends and family than I do actually following it myself. This also ties-in with being better at self-compassion and speaking to yourself the way you’d speak to your loved ones.
5. Talk about what you like.
I shouldn’t have to tell you twice but if you’re already doing this — carry on! The point being, you never know what opportunities might come up and what you may have in common with others. As a business major myself, I will always cease a moment to establish my own personal brand and share what I’m working on.
6. Practice self-validation.
For a long time I’ve felt like I was giving myself self-validation but really, I was mistaking it with being logical. I would search for validation from friends and family but it never felt like it made me feel entirely better. But after relaying this to my therapist (Yes I go to therapy, and I firmly believe everyone should too.) she asked me why I didn’t just validate myself. That was quite an aha moment for me and also another lesson I’m actively practicing. We can all give ourselves the validation we want.
7. It’s ok not to know what your dream job/company is.
Something I was asked a lot while still in college was “What is your dream job?” or “Who do you really want to work for?” and to be honest, I really didn’t have a clue. My answer at that time was (and still is) a job where I can help people. Like, help people in a meaningful and socially impactful way. I wish someone would’ve told me it’s ok not to know, because in all honesty, if we figured out what our life is going to be like at age 18 then what’s the point of living past that? So next time when someone asks, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” you can respond with, “I’ll never stop growing.”
8. Follow your own path.
A common theme I noticed in college career workshops are the standardized advice towards resumes, interview prep and how-to make yourself be a good fit for your dream company. And while I know that these workshops are incredibly helpful to many, we all know that one size doesn’t fit all. A great piece of advice I read about finding your own path was from an article by Jessica Li. She wrote,
“See yourself as the product and find your product market fit.”
9. Be nice to everyone.
I still remember the kids in secondary school (equivalent to middle school + high school) who used to treat me like I was invisible. But I’m thankful that because of that, I’ve learnt the importance of empathy.
10. It pays off to take the initiative.
This is basically another version of “just do it” but in a team setting.
11. What you like is what you like.
Something I talked about on a podcast episode with my friend, Sangi (shameless plug for my podcast, Ya Girl Trynna Make It) was how we both felt embarrassed for liking things like K-pop or Anime. Well guess what. What we like is what we like. And you too, should be proud of your own likes. If you also stan K-pop groups…. you my friend, have exquisite taste. *chefs kiss*👩🏻🍳
12. Be grateful for what you have & demand what you deserve.
This was something I learnt from a Ladies Get Paid conference I attended weeks ago. From a young age it was instilled in me to be grateful for everything I have. And while I agree with the importance of checking my privilege, being “grateful” alone doesn’t always give you what you truly deserve. It is important to know your value and not be afraid to aim high. What you’re grateful for can be things people have given you but only you would know what you truly are worth.
13. Be selfless but also take care of yourself.
Western culture taught me to always put yourself first. But growing up, Asian culture taught me to always think about the person behind me. Each of them on their own are important, but ideally, you need to do both. Because if you don’t take care of yourself, how are you able to effectively take care of others? And if you don’t take care of others, then how are others going to take care of you?
14. It’s not always your fault.
This is something I’m still struggling with on a daily basis. I’m learning to be better at distancing myself from blame when it’s not my fault. I tend to feel like I have to be of service to everyone and feel the need to fix everything so it’s hard for me but as I said — I’m working on it!
15. You just need ONE “yes.”
This was something I told myself pretty much every day of senior year as I saw one by one friends getting offers to huge companies and landing their first full-time roles. If you’re currently job-hunting (bonus points if you are an international student too), YOU GOT THIS 💪🏻. Stay strong. Job searching is a numbers game and all you really need is just ONE person to believe in you.
16. There’s no such thing as a “late-bloomer.”
Earlier this year, I called up a family member to share the news that I won the Distinguished Senior Leader Award at my university — which in hindsight, was cool to have but it’s what I did to earn it that really mattered. I remember the family member congratulating me on winning it and said “you’re a late-bloomer!” And I know that they didn’t mean to discount my past achievements but I replied to them saying, “I’m not late. I’m blooming at my own pace.”
17. You don’t need to be the loudest voice in the room to be heard.
As an introvert, I found it difficult to always project my voice. I’m wildly impressed by anyone who can do so with such ease. However, through being placed in team settings and when it came to leading my own teams, I found that I could utilize my introversion as a strength. One of them being: I get to listen first, talk later. I don’t enjoy being the first to talk but that benefitted me greatly when it came to being a leader.
18. Question everything.
Seek to understand and keep asking questions. If you don’t ask or don’t seek to understand, you’ll never learn anything.
19. There is no “right” or “wrong” opinion.
There was a time when I was having a discussion with a friend and I strongly disagreed with her opinion. I called her opinion “wrong” and later realized that in fact, I was in the wrong for even saying and thinking that. I learnt that there’s a stark difference between respectfully disagreeing and flat-out disregarding opinions that didn’t align with my own. By failing to acknowledge the difference in our opinion, I lost a valuable chance to learn both sides of the discussion and empathize with her point of view.
20. In order to have courage, you have to be vulnerable.
This was something I learnt from Brené Brown. She’s someone I look up to and special shoutout to all her books & podcasts! They are all amazing and I highly recommend them to anyone and everyone. She’s also currently a research professor at my alma mater, the University of Houston — you know I have to shout them out 🐾 #GoCoogs. Brené once wrote in her book, Rising Strong saying,
“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”
21. Lastly, advocate for yourself.
I once learnt from a recruiting webinar about how to negotiate for the salary that you want. The recruiter went on to say that those who got what they wanted were not the ones who necessarily worked hard but the ones who knew how to advocate for themselves. Although ideally, you should be doing both but… that’s on you. I believe this advice rings true not only in salary negotiation settings but also when obtaining the job you want or setting up a call with someone you admire or even just to make sure you get at least 1 ketchup packet when you order drive-through — It really do be like that sometimes. 🥺 👉🏻 👈🏻
Congrats! You made it to the end. Of course, these aren’t the only lessons I’ve learnt from approximately 7,300 days of living but I wanted to highlight lessons that have stuck with me in the most recent years. If you liked what I had to say and want more, you should follow me on my socials for more future content and also check out my podcast, Ya Girl Trynna Make It, which I co-host with 3 other GenZ girls of color who all have very different perspectives and experiences.
On that note, thanks for reading and I can’t wait for 2021.
